Sunday, December 10, 2017

Hibernating This Winter

Winter is now in full swing and i have definitely felt the cold, i am finding myself wanting to stay in more, wrapped under the covers and secluded from the outside world. I have never been someone that enjoys venturing out doors, the thought of the busy streets in London just make me want to hibernate to bed and sleep the day away. Being able to get everything i need to survive, delivered to my door step, aids in this hibernation. As much as i love occasionally wandering around the shops, strolling through parks, the chance of human interaction just prevents me from doing just that. Winter seems to be my excuse lately, as to why i need to stay in doors, the bristling cold, the pouring rain and the needle pricking wind all play a part as to why i spend most days in doors, doing meaningless tasks, just to past the day. Don't get me wrong i love exploring a city, its just around this time of year especially, the streets are just filled with idol tourists constantly stopping on the side of the pavement or walking as slow as they possibly can, when me and fellow residents just want to just get from A to B as quickly as possible. I feel like what i just wrote makes me sound like an old man, but i think this is something me and fellow citizens of London can relate to. 

Being able to find a quiet street or area is just a blessing, the other day me and my boyfriend decided to venture out into central London. As it was a Sunday we were expecting swarms of people, yet to our surprise, the sudden down pour of snow seemed to flush away the flocks of tourists. Both of us and other locals were left to go about our day in a anti social manner. Often when i go out i like to chose comfort over style, however i decided to venture out when it came to my entire that day. Even though this outfit ticked all the boxes, i was left shivering to my bones, wet through from the blistering snow. Maybe a thin jumpsuit and fishnet socks wasn't the best idea on a day that was about 1 degree. 

I have never been that much of a beret fan however after seeing this one on Asos from Sacred Hawk i knew i had to own it, whilst still retaining its classical shape it adopts this almost punk rock style vibe with the endorsed studs on the top. Rock is a huge inspiration when it comes to my style, i love sparkles, band tees and the classic ripped knee but recently due to my lack of adventuring into the outside world i have been left time to explore my style and new ways of approaching it.

This jumpsuit has been one of those new additions, which i saw on the gorgeous Grace Victory a few weeks back. Jumpsuits have always scared me, there is something i have always found rather formal about them whilst also being designed for super slim or toned curvy ladies. I never felt as though i had the right shape to pull off a jumpsuit. Yet i fell in love with this spotted one from Asos, its from the plus size range that they do, so it is slightly on the baggy side, due to it being a few sizes to big. However, i believe that it works in my favour, paired with a belt (in this case my trusty western belt) i feel like it really accentuates my attributes whilst also being extremely comfy. I have found a jumpsuit that i love and feel confident in. Paired with me dependable shearling jacket from River Island that i bought last year and my newly adored platform converse  (from my loving boyfriend as an early xmas present) i feel like i have made it wearable on a daily basis. Yet i could also dress it up with a pair of statement boots and a leather jacket. It is so universal. 

My style has developed in so many ways over the past few months, i am trying new things, exploring different ways of styling and also giving less of a shit about what other people might think. I have always been used to the head turning whilst walking down the street, whether that be from a political challenging t-shirt i might be wearing or in the past from my bold sense of hair colours, both of which are some of the reasons i have never been to fond of leaving the house. However, i  have began to embrace and learn to live with these head turns. Don't get me wrong i might still get self conscious when it comes to the head turns or the specific looks one might give me, however, i have learnt recently to not give as much of a dam as i used to. I wouldn't say i don't always question why someone looks at me in a certain way but i don't let it ruin my day and that's why i have become more confident with my style. I don't feel like i have to dress with the grain, i want to dress in order to meet my personality, to fulfil my artistic background and most of all i want to dress the way i feel expresses me the most and is the most comfortable. Don't let the look or view that someone might give you hold you back, you do you because well if someone doesn't like that then that is there problem and not yours.

Thank you for listening

XPortiaX

Sunday, December 03, 2017

What I'm Listening To

I have recently been blessed with the gift of a new record player, from my generous grandparents, as an early christmas present. I got into vinyl a few years back and i have never looked back, there is this feeling you can't get with digital music, it is a process and an experience. Being unable to skip a song, you are forced to listen to the narrative that is part of the album, you get a greater feeling for the album and the singer combined. Not only do i have an appreciation for the 12 inch piece of plastic that, when combined with a needle plays music, i also enjoy and admire the album art work that it comes with. Unlike a cd or a digital scoring, an LP comes with a large collection of artwork that has been carefully thought out and produced. 

My vinyl collection, along with my boyfriends has got rather extensive, including such albums and soundtracks like Pulp fiction, hot fuzz (which we got signed by the composer) and more conventional  collections like The black keys and The Arctic Monkeys. I wouldn't say i have a definite style and taste when it comes to music, but similarly i wouldn't say it was the norm. From the likes of rock and roll to classic 80's i find myself singing along to both. 

One of my favourite soundtracks of all time is Hot Fuzz, composed and crafted by David Arnold, me and Ed were lucky enough to get our hands on this beauty and get it signed. The nostalgic feeling it gives me from when i first watched the Simon Pegg and Nick Frost film, brings me as much joy as to when i met David. I think this art filled LP has to be one of biggest pride and joys, i will cherish it till the day i die. Even though it might not be one i listen to on a daily basis, i often reach for it if i want something orchestrated and dramatic. 

Similarly, two of my other favourites have to be one all time classic and a new favoured of mine, Pulp Fiction and The Stranger Things soundtracks. Originally i never really thought much of soundtracks being heavily instrumental, i never really got it, but Stranger Things and Hot Fuzz have to be my acceptions. When you have such a love and attachment to the original tv show or film, owning the soundtrack just adds to that love. Both have such iconic and cleverly thought out compositions, that draw tension, love and humour. Hearing the compositions on there own just allows you to imagine the scene and the moment things happened without actually watching the show itself. Even though i have found a love for instrumental LP's, others such as Pulp Fiction bring me just as much joy, being a compilation of such classic and nostalgic songs, i can't help but love it. I often find myself dancing and singing along to it in my bedroom.

Collecting vinyls will forever be a guilty pleasure of mine, which i recently made one of my boyfriends as well. I find myself drawn to every record shop i see, just to hunt for hidden treasures that i can bless upon my record player. Even though i only have a small snippet of my vinyls at university with me, the collection i have brings me pleasure and joy every time i use them. This is an activity i will never get tiresome of.

Thank you for listening, let me know of any recommendation you have

XPortiaX

BUY HERE:

Monday, November 27, 2017

Autumn Infatuation

Autumn/Winter is here and I'm absolutely loving it. This is my time of the year, the colours, the darkness, the coldness, i just feel content. Im not a huge fan of summer and spring, the heat just gets to me, i feel like I can't do much without breaking a sweat and feeling tired. In the colder months i can wrap up, snuggle under the duvet and enjoy my most loved hot drinks whilst watching the orange hue take over the skies. Everything just feels right, my mind feels more rested and i especially love my winter coats and jumpers. 

Everything 5 Pounds were kind enough to ask whether i would like to receive and review a few of their items so i thought as well as doing a youtube haul type video i would try and create an outfit out of the items i chose. Im not going to lie i was skeptical at first, a website that sold items for £5 or less, i wasn't expecting much quality wise, but my mind was instantly put to rest. I chose for this outfit a black midi skirt and a brownish trip long sleeve top, paired with my black chelsea boots from Romwe and belt from Topshop.

The colours the fit was perfect, surprisingly the top was actually from peacocks so it was a steal. It was ever so slightly ribbed so it wasn't just like any other stripe top i have in my wardrobe, the colour compliments my hair so much and the long sleeves are perfect for this time of the year. My go to outfit is a midi skirt and some sort of top so anyway of drawing this into my Autumn/Winter wardrobe is a positive from me. 

After receiving a rather shoddy midi skirt from Romwe i decided to give another relatively cheap company a go, and to my surprise i love it! Its not thin, it doesn't feel cheap and it is so comfy, this will be my go to skirt for this type of year. it can be pared with a range of things and it so universal. And any excuse to get my tat's out and I'm sold. 

For £10 not including shoes or the belt i have managed to create a perfect seasonal outfit, that is still stylish but warm, with a long black boyfriend coat or teddy bear jacket you are good to go. It just goes to show you don't always need to break the bank when it comes to fashion.

Thank you to the person at Everything 5 Pounds for sending my these items.

And Thank you for listening

XPortiaX

Monday, November 20, 2017

My Paralysis

Im back! After a very long break i have finally decided to get back into the swing of things when it comes to both my blog and my youtube (i have been more vocal on my youtube over the past few months). Coming back into my second year of uni i found myself with very little enthusiasm and dedication to what i love doing, and don't get me wrong I'm still not fully enjoying what i do but I'm determined to work hard and get to grips with my second year. I started the year with not much will power and i still don't have much now but deadlines are getting closer and i need to buckle down, however hard it might be. I want to get back into my blog as a way of escaping uni work, i want it to be something i enjoy, something i take the time out of my day to do, just as i am doing now. Im currently sat in my bed, wrapped up under a duvet, in my pjs, writing this in order to escape reality and the fact i have a 2000 word essay due next week. 

The past few weeks and even months have been rather strange, i have had just over 3 months off for the summer and suddenly i am dunked head first back into the world of eduction, and i can honestly say i was not ready. I was not ready for the step up it has been, not deadline wise or time i have in uni (because to be honest I'm only in 2 days a week) but for the sheer pressure to do well and succeed. I feel like i need to please people, show them i can achieve great things and i am finding myself getting extremely overwhelmed. Im the first person in my family to go to university and if I'm being brutally honest i don't really think they truly understand what I'm doing, i feel like they assume its still like secondary school, where you get handed the work on a plate but its not like that at all. You need to be independent, you need to stay focused and you need to put in the hours. 

Not only have i started my second year of uni but me and my boyfriend moved in together which adds a whole other thing to worry about. Not only do i want to succeed with uni but i want to make living with my boyfriend work, it has been tricky from time to time, learning each others needs and differences. We have both learnt we hate doing the dishes. But i don't want these differences to come between us and i don't want to cause issues because I'm stressed about uni, because i know we both are, we both have declines and i don't want that to affect our relationship. Don't get me wrong i love living with him and i wouldn't change it for the world, but i often question whether it came at the right time, having both the pressure of uni and our living situation. I just don't want things to fall flat on their face. Its just that what if?

But the pressure is kind of getting to me, i find myself spending my free time (and lets be real i have alot of it) procrastinating, doing menial tasks just to pass the time. I have found myself over spending, using shopping as a way to use up the day. I have found myself in some dark times, where i often can't think, can't sleep and sometimes i can't even communicate without snapping. My lack of money has prevented me for doing the things i love, like grabbing a bite to eat or a coffee with my friends, engaging in activities with my boyfriend and most worryingly of all not being able to buy groceries. This state of mind has slowly taken hold of me and it wasn't till recently, that i started to notice. It frustrates me, makes me anxious and most of all makes me feel incredibly guilty and stupid. I feel guilty for having to always say no to people, for having to borrow money or to have a friend pay for food.  

I often call this state my paralysis, it causes me to not be able to think, read or even do some basis tasks. I try to push through it but i quickly get angry, I'm unable to concentrate, read or even write. It often comes about when I'm at uni or if I'm thinking about coursework, its as if my mind begins to shut down and everything i have ever learnt just seems to be none existent. I either feel nothing or i instantly begin to think a thousand thoughts, my mind will just empty or it will begin to race but with nothing useful. I will begin to recall embarrassing memories, times i have felt uncomfortable and things i shouldn't even be thinking twice about. I can begin to fixate, whether that be on the way a friend or person looked at me the other day, how others perceive me, what someone has said or even on things i haven't thought about in 5 years. My mind is just out of my hands, i have no control over it and i often question whether i ever will. 

On the day i am writing this i had my paralysis many times throughout the day, i set time aside to write a piece of coursework i have been putting off for the past few weeks. For the first hour or so i just wrote down notes, things i had researched and things i could remember from a lecture but from there, when i came to actually write i felt nothing, i felt my brain emptying, i felt a pressure to write but nothing would come out. It took me a good 6 hours to write just under 500 words of my essay, many of which don't make sense but I'm looking at it as something and a beginning. A day that should have involved a few trips out the flat turned into a stress filled, panic writing 6 hours where i couldn't leave and the thought of doing so just panicked me. 

But the oddest thing of all, is the fact I'm sat in bed write now writing this, and it has been the easiest thing all day, its like all the words have just been leaking on the page or have just written themselves. I feel comfortable in this space, i feel comfortable to speak my mind and about the experiences i am having and thats why i want to start my blog up again, i want to use it as a space to just speak my mind, talk about the troubles i might be having or even sometimes the successes. I won't always be negative i promise, i just needed to share how i have been feeling as of late. I know i can talk to my boyfriend about stuff but sometimes its just nice have a one way chat, where people just listen and don't always reply with "everything will be okay" and "you will and are doing great". That sounds so ungrateful but I'm sure some of you, who ever you are know what i mean and in some ways you might be able to relate. 

My goals are to try and take back some control, focus more and achieve what i want to achieve. I need to achieve for myself and not for others, i need to think a lot less about what others think and care more about what i want to do and accomplish with my time in and out of uni.

Thank you for listening

X Portia X

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Jeffree Star's Liquid Lipsticks

Jeffree Star's liquid lipsticks have been something i haven't been able to stop collecting over the last few months. I first bought a few of his products before they became available on Beauty Bay, which was a big mistake especially after the rather pricy customs charges. However, since i first touched one to my lips i was in love. In comparison, I'm a huge fan and will always be of the Kat Von D everlasting liquid lipsticks, yet Jeffree Star has managed to compete with that love. His formula is slightly more runny compared to the Kat's yet they don't hold back on pigmentation, most of his colours only require one coat. 

I have many colours in my collection however 3 that stand out the most are, Crocodile Tears, Posh Spice and Sagittarius, all of which i wear nearly on a daily basis, well apart from Crocodile Tears. There are only certain times i can go out with green lips. 2 of these colours (Crocodile Tears and Sagittarius) are from his limited edition christmas range, however it is still available to buy on Beauty Bay. All of Jeffree's shades have unique scents to them, which intrigue me even more however, i know some people aren't huge fans of rather over powering scents, but when these reach your lips the scent seems to weaken, making for just an in the bottle kind of delight. 

Crocodile Tears is this gorgeous dark, christmas green colour which any skin tone can pull off. Being a limited edition shade this was perfect for christmas and was surprisingly easy to pull off and wear. This shade is gorgeous in colour, however i find it to be one of the more lacking shades when it comes to staying power. After wearing the shade for about 3 hours and drinking water every so often, I'm often find myself left with lip lined style lips, which is extremely obvious when wearing bright green lipstick. Not only that, i found it to flake and crust which might be just down to me drinking. This is such a beautiful colour, i just feel like the formula is slightly lacking.

On the other hand, Posh spice and Sagittarius are perfect in formula, Jeffree has nailed them. Both shades are rather more on the nude and muted side compared to Crocodile tears. Posh spice is the brown nude shade, that has a very strong grunge feel to it, which sagittarius is more on the muted purple side and more cool toned. Both of these shades are strong in pigment, making for quick and easy application. They also smell amazing. I find myself reaching for these two colours on a daily basis and they go with so many looks, posh spice in particular i find you can wear with both cool and warm tone eye looks. This lip shade is a cult favourite of mine when paired with a dark burgundy or red eye, really embracing that grunge vibe. 

Jeffree has a wide variety of shades available in his collection and is forever bringing out more shades. You can either purchase them directly from his website, however do be cautious  of shipping charges or off Beauty Bay, where you can get free delivery.

x Portia x

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Primark Star Espadrilles

I am loving Primark's style at the moment, i find myself, when i have any time to kill, trying to find the nearest primark just so i can spy any new items they may have  in. Till recently i felt primark to be quite lacking and mainly for just the basics, you know, tees and leggings however, they have really stepped up their game.

My most recent shopping trip to primark led to many purchases but i I'm most fond of these star print espadrilles. I mean come on why would anyone not love these. I have never owned a pair of espadrilles before but as I'm going to Rome next week i thought it was high time i jumped onto that fashion trend and purchase a pair. I know there is the obvious brand like Tom's however, none of them have really jumped out at me and for £30 it just wasn't worth it. But i managed to get these for £8, which is an absolute steal, im honestly suprised by the quality of them aswell. For £8 i didnt have high hopes however, they are super comfy and i find myself reaching for them whenever i need to just slip a pair of shoes on.

Because my waredrobe is primarily black, the white star detailing really adds an unique detail to any plain outfit, it can enhance a normally dull outfit. These are a really statement piece, i love pattered or printed shoes so these were perfect to feed my addiction.

x Portia x

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Brick Lane London

Today, me and Ed decided to go and explore Brick Lane and Shoreditch, specifically Box Park, which sells amazing food that we couldn't give up the chance to have. We were both engulfed by the range of dishes that we could try, initially i was at a loss of what to have but eventually opted for a falafel salad which was to die for! Ed chose a home burger and fries which he chopped down on in a second. The area was so artistic and inspiring, it was such a nice atmosphere to sit down and relax in whilst being able to watch rugby and gulf down a load of food. Eventually we finished our food so we took a tour around the many shops that were available, many independent brands that were so quirky and unique, i mean no other place could you get a pink meerkat, ha! The surrounding small independent cafe's left nothing to the imagination, there was such a diverse culture of them from small London style cafe's to hipster central bars and restaurants. For a Saturday it wasn't that busy either, which was surprising but pleasing.  

Bag: Topshop

Jacket: Boohoo

Shoes: Asos (SOLD OUT)

Top: Lazy Oafs

Jeans: Topshop